You Just Got Blocked

Not long ago I received a very disheartening text from a family member. The text read that I cannot be trusted, and that I disgust them. After falsely accusing me of what I supposedly did wrong - this statement followed - "You just got blocked."

At first I thought, Okay whatever. But the more I got to think about it, the more I cared. Why is it that blocking me from seeing updates on your lives and children could effect me so much. Maybe because I wasn't guilty of the crime that I was being accused of? Maybe because I'm mad that it was someone else who stirred the pot and caused this to happen. Possibly, I feel like the responsible party for spreading such drama, doesn't understand the full magnitude of effects their actions have. Of course, no skin of most others nose, because they weren't impacted as drastically as my family was.

I know I'm being very vague. But to preserve the sanctity of what little relationship I do have with these individuals, I will choose not to divulge myself, and stoop to there petty levels of self importance. Are their lives so boring, and uneventful that they have nothing better to do but gossip about others, confirm suspicions, and discuss anything remotely controversial. I'd really like to think that all emotions stirred was not intentional. I'd love to be able to say, "no harm, no foul." But that's not the truth.  Do I believe that if someone contacts me, and asks me questions about a specific individual they despise (knowing I know the answer) that I would be able to deter the person away from the topic. Of course I do. I have no problem standing up for the greater good. I have no problem saying, "look, I've said this over and over...I don't want to discuss anything like that, or anything about that individual!" I would repeat it over and over. Regardless of how hard they pry, or how upset it makes them. It's not my personal place to report, confirm or deny for anyone - whether I think there is truth to it or not. How did we, as a society, become inclined to be "our brothers keeper." What does that even mean?

Is hurting another - being your brothers keeper? Even if unintentional, what is the appropriate way to make a wrong, a right...

I often think of this. How can I turn around all of my mistakes. How can I make things right. Furthermore, do I care to make things right? If it's been 3 weeks, and none of the parties involved have offered a genuine apology - do I continue to hope that I will get one. Most would remind me of a conference talk by Bednar (which I often reference myself) about choosing to be offended. In this instance, how can one not feel heartache.

One. A person states that you disgust them. Ouch! That's harsh, no matter how truthful it is. Some just don't realize the intensity and power words have over someone. Thank goodness I'm not suicidal, I don't think!

Two. A person I genuinely care about as well, causes pain and hurt. The best apology they come up with is a group text, full of justifications, on my Birthday. Never once saying, Happy Birthday. In fact, so much so, that my own sibling didn't even wish me a happy birthday! Even more so that they don't miss an aunts birthday, or an estranged grandfather - but somehow too busy to wish me a happy birthday via text or call, but wait...they have time to give a halfway effort towards an, " I'm sorry."

It's not fair. It's just plain not right. I'd also like to think that I mean more to my family then to just be pushed aside. For years, my siblings have not called or contacted me (except my sister) unless there was an occasion. I am starting to feel more pain of not bearing my own children, as they make time for the all their children to call each other. I really can't afford to send luxurious gifts to each and every neice and nephew like some other relatives. If I did, would that make my own family want to talk to me more. Or have a relationship with me? Is it all for show...?

I get hurt every time I think about it. If I had kids, I'd hear from them more. If I had kids, I'd be a normal aunt. If I had kids, it would make a difference if I was, or wasn't present. Others are not sensitive to others situations - and from a Christ like standpoint, are the most un-Christ like as possible. What happened to loving thy neighbor, and doing good unto those who despitefully use you. How about being your brothers keeper.

Do me a quick favor - if you've hurt someone, pick up the phone and call them now. If you know someone struggling, let them know they are loved. Go the extra mile.

Now the phone works both ways. I probably could pick up the phone and attempt to contact these individuals. Even though sometimes I do, it never seems to be enough. Thank goodness I found a supportive husband, who loves me for me. Who genuinely cares about me. He feels my sorrow, and shares my remorse. He supports my frustrations, and stands by my side. I don't know what hole I'd be in without him, but it wouldn't be a happy one. I love my entire family. It just bothers me that one, someone could do a wrong, and not make it right. Two, someone can write someone else off in the family - based on speculation and false accusations spread around by family gossip- without validity.

It's not fair. It's just plain not right.

In many ways, "You Just Got Blocked" from the whole family, is more like it. I may be the youngest, & I may have been somewhat spoiled growing up...But I have never felt less loved, or less part of a family as I do now. Thanks a lot  Brothers and Sisters for the continued love and support through our personal struggles. not.